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KQ Newsletter #5, Keeping the Blame and Pain, 'Negative Benefits'
June 13, 2008
The KQ Newsletter--
"How can I change my life?"... Keeping the blame means keeping the pain... Changing directions in relationships for different results... Keepers of the pain
"How Can I Change My Life"In the past few weeks I have been replying to a number of questions that revolve around this central question of change. In all of these the issues revolve around relationships.
Changing directions in relationships for different results The central problem in all of these questions was the inability to understand that a change in one's approach is needed to create change in an external life situation.
Relationships are what enable life-events to take place. How we deal with these creates opportunities for the delivery of results--our 'karma' and karmic consequences.
This applies to every situation because all situations are ultimately dependent on relationship interactions.
Negative benefits of pain, illness
Whether it was a cheating husband ('I am so hurt--I can't forgive him...'), or a series of failed relationships with men ('Why do my relationships fizzle out after some time?'), and other similar questions.
What is the gain?
For example, a person falling sick is able to get attention from family and friends. If that is the only way they get some attention energy, then it becomes in their interest to fall ill. The body will provide the desired condition. So the negatives are actually a negative benefit.
Doesn't happen, you say?
Change doctors when getting better!
Or, think of someone you know who needs to be physically assisted when there are people around them, but can manage when they think no one is around. The illness in these specific cases is a negative (? positive) benefit here.
The Secret to Change--
Where we have made it about ourselves rather than the other, we have lost focus on the reasons that the situation exists. We are driven by our own concerns and try to deal with incoming responses from others without seeing what motivates the others to respond to us the way they do. We act as though only our personal interest in the matter will rule the outcome. This does not happen.
When we lose this point of reference, we perpetuate the situation without being able to change it because we are looking for power, strength, at the wrong place. We are out of step with the reality of the situation.
Finding the Power to ChangeWhen we begin to see what motivates the other person in the interaction or relationship with us, we get a more realistic idea of how much power each has in the relationship.
This balancing and re-balancing of power is what makes a relationship dynamic. Where there is a static balance where one or both persons are unable to change their standpoint of action, things continue in a deteriorating way to a natural end-point of collapse.
Keep the blame and keep the pain
To forgive or not to forgive?
It does not mean I shall forget what the other did.
It only means I shall not hold him responsible because it is finally my karma or actions that attract this result. At the same time, I reserve the right to take appropriate action--and be ready to face the further consequences of my actions.
Not forgiving means keeping the pain. How valuable is this pain that you want to keep? What is the negative benefit?
Take responsibility for actions and be free of pain
As long as I wait for some outside force to change my life without my participation in owning responsibility for whatever action-decision I take--positive change is not happening.
My negative benefit, change
Change takes place only when we change our direction and action in harmony with the power of the situation.
Keepers of the pain
Most importantly, ask yourself--"Why?" and request the karma-changing KQ Force to guide and help you.
Blessings, love and light for success--Be with the Force!
Nalin K. Nirula
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