"How Can I Forgive and Forget?"

In conversation with Nalin K. Nirula & Renoo Nirula

Forgive and forget?"If someone has hurt me how can I forgive and forget it?" a healer asked us yesterday in our weekly meetings.

"You can't," we replied, "not the way you are looking at it."

"And they hurt me... caused me so much pain, and my life is affected—so how can I deal with this?"

The Cosmic Karma Courier Service
"Well, first connect with the question, where are these people coming from into your life and why? You can see that everything coming to you in life is coming to give you some opportunities, some results and effects, isn't it?"

"What is the mechanism of this, sir?"

"This is coming to you through a very sophisticated delivery system. I call it the Cosmic Karma Courier Service. This is an action-response-result you set into motion a long time ago.

"The delivery person may change, but the package will be delivered. So if it were not for this individual, some other individual will appear to deliver it. The events will take place and not be in our control, really.

"There are some packaged events and situations we like, and others we don't, even though we created it in some past historical age. We may not have wanted a specific thing happening to us, but when we desired to experience something, according to our ability to 'pay' for it with our accumulated karmic bank balance of positive or negative, we experience the situation."

"Yes, I understand… then what do we do with this?" the healer asked.

How can you forgive and forget the pain?
"When you are hurt or in pain, do you think you can really forgive and forget?"

There was a pause while the healers pondered this, torn between answering honestly and answering as they 'should'.

"You can't do this mechanically," we said, relieving them of the burden of this decision and they smiled, nodding in agreement. "It’s not a mechanical computer software plug-in thing which you 'fit-and-forget'!"

"Then what is the way?"

"You really need to connect with this—the events have taken place in the past and nothing can change that. However, your response now can change how it affects you. When you forgive someone, you are actually saying, 'I don't judge and blame you for doing this--why? Because you know that you activated something through the Cosmic Karma Courier service..." There is a silence as the understanding of responsibility suddenly shifted.

"So then if we can't blame the others, the should we blame ourselves and direct resentment inwards and be more miserable? We can go on the delicious guilt trip!" Laughter rippled across the room.

It's The Whole Package Deal
"Not at all! You are already doing this and so there is no forgive and forget. Blaming is futile because it keeps this whole frozen block of pain and memory in your head and prevents you from moving away from the situation, from the pain. If you want to give up the pain but keep the blaming--it's not happening because it is a package deal. You must give up the whole package immediately nor keep it."

"How can we do that, we love to feel sorry for ourselves!" The laughter felt good.

"Yes... it is so comfortable to feel that the other fellow is responsible. In order to move on and be free of pain, you need to understand that forgiveness is not a so-called 'noble' thing. You are not doing anyone a favor by forgiving them. You are only being properly 'self-ish' by having your own best interest at heart. That is the key... the heart. Be compassionate to yourself, forgive yourself first, that is the real meaning of forgiving--give up the act of judging yourself, because finally—You can't forgive another if you hold yourself unforgiven and guilty. If you keep meditating on this, there is no forgive and forget."

There is a small silence as the group absorbs this, letting it work through the frozen blocks of the unforgiving zones of their being. As these blocks begin to thaw, we see the held-up rivulets of retaliation against the couriers of their karma beginning to flow again painfully in their consciousness.

"Of course forgiving yourself and letting go of blaming them does not mean that you cannot take some appropriate action against them." They are pleased to hear this but afraid to admit it.

"Please take whatever action you need to take, but let it be considered action because it will have consequences. If you act with knowledge and the realization that further karmic consequences are going to be generated, then you will be fearless in your decision and also guilt-free and pain-free. The understanding will direct your next steps. There is really no forgetting, only that the memory can become inactive, non-toxic and stop obstructing you when you forgive yourself and the other."

Forgiveness and selfishness
"The highest form of selfishness or self-interest is to forgive. Why? Because you do not want to be connected to the other person's guilt and pain for causing you the pain. Is this a strange thing?" There is a meditative silence as we all consider this.

"The other person is also going to be feeling guilt internally somewhere, no matter how hidden or suppressed it might be—internally his soul knows that he was the proximate cause for the pain, because the Divine is there within your so-called enemy as well. There is no forgive and forget, but forgive and get better.

"You can judge the degree of your success by how much or how little anguish you feel when you reflect on the past. To the extent you have genuinely healed and forgiven yourself first and then the other, that much you would be pain-free."

"Forgive and forget is not happening, but forgive and not be disturbed by the memory, is a healing."

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